Monday, December 3, 2012


It was a lovely afternoon. It was very unseasonably warm for Chicago. I got home from Church and found a quiet and peaceful house. Perfect, I had some things I needed to work on.

After about 45 minutes I decided it was time for some food, so I scrounged around in the fridge and found my left overs from last night's Kuma's Corner. So good. Just as I was about to put it in the microwave, Nelly comes out of her room and says, "Do you hear that?" I look at her and ask, "Um, the microwave? Cause I hear that."

"No," she says, "the chirping."

I was quiet for a second. Then I moved my foot and the floor squeaked. I looked at her questioningly. She shook her head.

Then I heard it. A chirp. And again. And again. What was that? After some ridiculous brainstorming and a bit of fun, we decided that maybe we had a bird in the house? I told Nelly that I was going to look for it. Good thing I had my head lamp.

After I told Nelly to close all the doors to the kitchen, she made sure to close herself out of the kitchen. I guess she doesn't like things flying at her. I checked the cabinet it was coming from and didn't find anything. I moved the fridge and didn't find anything, except a bunch of dust. So I got out the broom and started sweeping up. My broom swept under the cabinet and caught on a spider trap. I knelt down to see what else was down there, and I saw another sticky trap. With a mouse!




Alive and crying for his life.

In the basement there are glue traps, and they are filled with spiders. I figured that is what these contraptions are: spider catchers. Spiders don't cry as they starve and won't smell after death.

Mice do.

What was I going to do?


Ugh, this is horrible.

I decided I would report to Nelly.

She informed me that these traps are intended to catch mice.

What? Seriously? This is a thing? It is horrible! It is horrible for the mouse, it is horrible for me, and it is horrible for the person I am going to call to exterminate. Where is Jesse Katsopolis the First Season when I need him?


Oh, Jesse.

I have a home teacher named Jesse. Maybe he is available to help me out.


I called him immediately.


Jesse answered but he wasn't able to come over for 2 hours.


I told him I looked forward to his coming.

I got off the phone, reported to Nelly, and then we heard the mouse squealing, squeaking, and crying.

My stomach dropped.

We couldn't wait two hours. There was no way I could sit there and listen to the painful and slow death of that mouse.

Ugh, so gross.

Then I remembered Matt! He lives around the corner, and most importantly he is online.

I picked up my computer:

3:17 PM me: Matt!
 Matt: Myriah!
 me: are you at home? do you have a minute to come over here and save me from the mouse we found on the spider sticky trp thing in our kitchen????
3:18 PM Matt: haha the mouse stuck in the trap? So you just need the mouse thrown out/
3:19 PM me: yes, but the mouse is alive. and squeaking. but he can't move
  cause he's stuck and wining
  and i can't handle it
3:21 PM Matt: ok im on my way
 me: bless your heart
  and i'm googling processes
3:22 PM Matt: im thinking shoe
3:24 PM wait

Please note the pause when Matt realized he is going to have to kill a mouse. I like to think that he is just asking his wife if he can come over, and not just pausing because he doesn't actually want to kill a mouse. 
Please also note that I can't manage to format this after I cut and copied the chat. 
Nelly and I waited in suspense for about 8 minutes, 2 of which were spent googling processes, and let me tell you: DO NOT DO THAT. It is a horrible part of the internet that nobody needs to see. 
Matt shows up, bat in hand, and I lead him to the area of death. I inform him there are also some bricks if he needs them. We open all the doors to the back yard, I give him a plastic bag, and then, brave soul, he grabs the mouse, takes it to the back yard, and I went to the living room to pray. 
He came back, and handed us less horrible mouse traps. "Here," he said, "use these next time."
Will do, Matt, will do. And also, thank you for saving us. 



Kylie said...

This is probably my new favorite blog post. I especially appreciated the line, "Please also note that I can't manage to format this after I cut and copied the chat."

Because I was thinking that exact thing, then read that sentence. Curse you, Blogger!

Thank you for this post which has both entertained and horrified me. It has brought me back to the days of dead and half-dead mice, rabbits, giant dragonflies and birds at my door.

dad said...

Great posting ! I will have to really listen hard to hear if there are any critters in you old bedroom for when you are home for Christmas. After all there is no Matt here.

The Studes said...

yuck, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Although I do enjoy your writing style it's as if there is a tiny Myriah in my head narating.
I had a co-worker once that had a infestation of mice in her office and one morning she found one stuck to the mouse paper. without hesitation she took it out and when she got back I asked what she did. Calmly she said "I stepped on it's head and threw it away" My jaw dropped, I couldn't believe how casual she was about it. Still kinda haunts me.