Grandma, because it's been too long

It was Father's idea to gift Grandma a day of driving her around. It sounded like a pretty good Christmas present, seeing how I love shopping, she loves shopping, and also I couldn't find the pickled peaches Brandon wanted me to find which was the original gift idea. I felt a little bad bailing on the pickled peaches plan, but then I  remembered that he can just give Grandma a picture of his kids for Christmas and call it good.

Anyway, the date was set for today! It had been too long since I had hung out with G-ma.

I had forgotten.

First, she has a new walker wheeled seat. I wish I could explain it better to you. I think the official name is the Smooth Walker 3000 or something. Does that help?

That thing is very difficult to get into the trunk. She wanted me to call Mother and ask her how she does it, but I was too prideful, so instead I struggled for a few minutes every time I had to get it in or out of the car.

The day started at 10 am, and we were going to Kohl's. As soon as we pull into the parking lot, G-ma starts talking about an article she read about how all the Mormon women are trying to change some things in the Church by wearing pants last Sunday.

Sigh.

Okay, G-ma, it's not ALL the Mormon women. Please don't classify me into a group of women who have forgotten that God loves them and that He is perfect, and has a plan and a reason for everything, even if it's not completely clear at the present time.  I have three problems with this 1) Whatever article G-ma read made it into a newspaper. I think this is absolutely the wrong publicity. 2) I attend Sacrament Meeting to renew sacred covenants. It is not a time for protesting. 3) It worries me when members are just waiting for the Prophet to, essentially, change his mind.  That indicates that the Prophet gets to do whatever he wants, which is false. The Prophet does what has been revealed to him. Wearing pants to church will not cause the Prophet to ask God to give women the Priesthood and then God will say, "Oh, why didn't I think of that? Absolutely, let's do this." And the Prophet has no authority to make that decision on his own. This isn't a company we are dealing with. This isn't a government. This is God. It just surprises, saddens, and angers me to know that this many people don't understand the way God works, how he speaks to His prophets, that His timing is not our timing, and His infinite love for us.


Anyway, I couldn't say all that to Grandma. I was trying to get that darn Smooth Walker 3000 out of the trunk during this time. And then a car alarm went off, and Grandma was yelling over the car alarm about how that is her main problem with the Church, how women can't do what men do (which she didn't specify, I just let it slide) and also how Dad won't be able to see me married. Those are two different topics, but just to ease her mind on the last one, I'm in no danger of getting married anywhere, so don't worry about it. She said, "Those two things I have a problem with, the rest I don't care about."

This should be an interesting day. Our first stop: Intimates.

On our way to hunt down a bra, G-ma says, "You know, I was married to Al for 30 years before I changed my religion."

What? When did you do that? How come I've never heard of this?  G-pa was Catholic. So what is G-ma? Also, if G-pa was raised Catholic, it must have been his mother's doing, because Great G-pa was Jewish!

I was trying to sort all this out in my brain as I was searching for a bra size that doesn't exist. But G-ma said it would be there, so I kept looking.

I couldn't find it.

Also, we are looking for a terry cloth robe if you happen to have one. Maybe I'll just order her a Juicy Couture track suit.

In other areas of the store we found elastic waist pants, which are perfect, and also three fleece tops because it's just "so damn cold" outside.

Then, we went to JC Penny. They did not have the magical bra size. So we had to go to Walmart, where my soul died a little and where we did not find this particular bra we have been so madly hunting for. She did, however, find some cozy pajama pants with a Hello Kitty print, so that's a win.

Then we went to lunch across from an assisted living home. Grandma then entertained me with stories of her friend Millie, who used to be at that home, but she got kicked out because she once went outside practically naked in the middle of the night. She got kicked out of a lot of places, that Millie.

Anyway, I told G-ma that I would like to go to our local jewelers if she wanted to come with me.

She did.

When we got there, everyone greeted her by name. She's a regular! I had no idea. I knew she liked jewelry, but I had no idea that I should immediately go back to her place and try to place dibs on pieces and stones I particularly like.


Anyway, all in all it was a pretty good outing. I went home and Greta and I started wrapping some Christmas presents. The phone rings, and it's G-ma.

"Myriah, wouldn't you know it, not one of the things we bought today fits me properly. You're going to have to exchange or return it all. Can you go tonight?"


"Sure. Sure I can. I'll be over in ten minutes."

Compassion and Tonight's Service Fiasco

Eye Roll.

I just figured I should start this with an eye roll to set the mood. 

So, I've been feeling these strange stirrings of compassion in my soul recently. It wasn't my idea to get them, and I've been trying to figure out what to do with this excess love ever since. 

Obviously, a way to release some of this pent up love is to serve. 

Our branch did this cool thing this year where they bought Christmas for two families in the Stake. 

Tonight for FHE, we were suppose to bring everything we bought and wrap it up. 

I got there a little late (because of last week's Soviet Union struggle) and things were already under way. 

As soon as I walked in, someone was already freaking out. And they were exploding all over me. 

Something was missing. Then we had to figure out who was suppose to bring it, so the google doc had to be consulted, and did that person give those items to anyone else, and where was that person, and do they really have it, and will it get to the family in time? Now, this was not done in a calm, rational manner. No, it was going down with too much excitement and a heightened sense of possible immediate destruction. Seriously, it was too much drama. 

Too much drama!!!!!!

 I felt like I needed to get out immediately. 

So, while this person was freaking out all over me, I started freaking out, and someone said, "Don't let Myriah have scissors."  

I started wrapping presents. And did you know, when I got home, I found that I had cut myself? 

(I contemplated not posting this picture because it isn't very pretty, but, it was so sweetly ironic that I decided it would be an injustice not to post it.)

That guy was right. I was dangerous with scissors. 

Just another reason why I'm bad at service. 

Sigh.

Nevah Gonna Happen

I've been making this crazy effort to be more social. I don't mean that my effort is crazy, I mean that it is a crazy idea to think that if I become more social, I will meet more people, which will open me up to more opportunities, which will lead to a man who is really cool, funny, and taller than me who wants to date me.

For example, I have started going to FHE.

We were all sitting in a circle, waiting for things to begin, and I was suffering through a conversation about the Soviet Union and the Berlin Wall. As you know, if there is anything lovely, of good report or praiseworthy, I will take scrupulous notes to share with my dear friends and family later.

But there was nothing. Just people nerding out on the Soviet Union. And, unfortunately, that just isn't my cup of tea. It does not set my heart aflutter. I find it... boring.

I'm in a wasteland.


I got back from FHE tonight, looked at Nelly and said, "I'm never getting married."

I told her my Soviet Union/Berlin Wall/Historical woes, and she said, "You can get an information app or something for your phone next time."

"Uh, the issue is not keeping up with the topic, the issue is my severe lack of interest in joining the conversation."

The lack of interest was so intense that I contemplated leaving before FHE had even begun. I had this feeling like I needed to get out immediately or I would hate myself for the next 12 hours. It's this horrible panic attack that happens when things get too nerdy.


Anyway, another example:

A few months ago I was at an FHE at my Branch President's house. They had recently moved in, and needed help moving something. The Branch Pres comes in to the room and asks for any strong volunteers. Out of 6 guys, only one raised his hand.

Why, you ask? Because they all know that their skills do not lie in lifting things. They know they are scrawny.

It made me sad.

That was a few months ago. I was hoping things might get better, but these past three days proved to me that it most certainly will not get better, and that it's nevah gonna happen.

The Roller Shade

My desk at work is very close to a window. This afternoon when I went to sit down in my chair, I rolled a bit and lightly bumped into the window covering. It sprang off its track and tumbled down on me. I was fine, and after closer inspection, all the pieces of the roller mechanism were in good condition. If nothing broke, I should be able to pop that thing back up there, right?

Right.

I love stuff like this. Little puzzles. I love it. I quickly figured out how this particular shade worked and where everything would fit. However, there was one piece that I could not get on. I knew exactly where it needed to go, I just couldn't figure out how to get it there. While I'm playing with this piece my coworker comes up to me, sighs, shakes her head and says in an oh-silly-Myriah voice, "You need some help with that?"

No. My answer is no. I'm doing just fine, thank you very much. Also, this thing fell on me, which means I get the pleasure of solving this puzzle. DO NOT take that away from me.

Outwardly I said, "Uh, sure."

She took over and I went back to work. Back to work in the space that she was now occupying, which made things a little cramped and a little difficult to completely ignore her and not worry about the outcome of the window shade like I had promised myself when I said, "Uh, sure."

But I cared! I wanted to be the one to put it back together! So I looked with bated breath as she said, "Oh, I know what the problem is, we are missing a piece!" And then she looked around for the missing piece. I found it my duty to point out to her that we were not missing any pieces, and if she wanted proof of my statement, she could look at the other properly assembled window shade on the next window over. Yup, we had an example.

We went through this rigmarole a total of three times. Finally, she got the window shade up and said, "There, it's up!"

I looked over with jealousy burning in my eyes and said, "What's that piece on the file cabinet?"
All jealousy gone.
Exasperation setting in.

"Well I got it up, didn't I?"

"Yes, but it's not complete."

"Well, I can't get that piece on. It's impossible. This is good enough," and she walked away.

After about 20 seconds of unsuccessfully pretending I didn't care, I sprang up and said, "Can I give it another try?" Like I'm some meek, small-willed person. Yeah right. GET OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN FIX THIS THING! Within a minute I had it all figured out. All the pieces were in their proper place, and the shade works fabulously.

I will rest well tonight.

Nine

Tonight I learned of another couple engaged to be married.

So... Nine, I guess.

Thankfully, I've been doing a pretty good job keeping to myself this year and staying out of the social scene. This means I don't have to attend all of these weddings and bridal showers. Can you imagine if I had to buy a gift for each couple for the wedding AND for the bridal shower? Can you? I hope you are doing the math, because that would be ridiculous. Ridiculously expensive.

I have a long discourse about wedding presents and the showers and registries and the what-nots that are involved in the getting married process but it isn't quite at the point of publication yet. It involves largely my financial role in the lives of people I'm just "what ev" about, the idiocy of certain techniques some couples take on in the registering process, and how when it's my turn to be married, all of these people are going to be long gone.

AI Rant

I think replacing Paula Abdul with Ellen DeGeneres on American Idol is pure crazy talk.

I personally like shows where the judges actually have some knowledge/experience about the topic they are judging. Perhaps I don't know about Ellen's successful singing career? Her successful record label? Maybe she's lived in Detroit or Nashville? Or, maybe, sometime in her past, she has listened to the radio, and that is all it takes to be a judge on American Idol.

I hope next year they replace Simon with Steve Carell.

Things are sad sometimes

I finally threw out my favorite house shoes. I found a replacement for them, but it's just not the same. I was so sad the day they really officially became unwearable.

And other traumatic news:


Friday night was vomiting night. Somehow, i had gotten sick. So i puked up a storm. In the middle of the night, of course. So i stayed up, vomiting, and didn't get to bed until 8 in the morning.
Because of this, i had a really late night on Saturday. I sat down at my computer, contemplating life, and noticed that the top of my book shelf was wet. It turns out that one of my favorite (not) roommate had left some food storage in the cupboards above my book shelf. She had a gallon of water up there that somehow got a hole in it, and slowly leaked all over my stuff.

Pathetic Snow

We have gotten like, .5 inches of snow this year. It is ridiculous. I have been preparing myself all year for the terrible snows and freezing weather. Yesterday it was cold, i needed gloves, but today it was 40 degrees and sunny! I have been so confused. I don't understand this place.
Honestly, I'm a little ticked. I did not expect to see the sun until June. I don't know what to do with myself. More importantly, i don't know what to wear to school. Will a sweater do the trick? Should i wear short sleeves and a hoodie and jacket? Pea coat? Fleece? Am i going to freeze? Am i going to sweat all the way to school? I have no idea. Do i need gloves? Maybe a scarf? How about a hat? When i breathe in, will my lungs freeze up? Maybe. But maybe not. I don't know. There was a day when i could say, "Hey, it's Idaho, it's February, i need jeans, thick socks, shoes to battle the snow/ice/slush maybe a T to start, then a sweater, then a hoodie or fleece, followed up by a pea coat or jacket with matching mittens and hat."

See how easy that was? But these days, well, not only are some of my classes hard (i'm learning German! Plus, i have to use a calculator for one of my classes.) but getting dressed is also hard. So lame.

So lame.

Anyway! We did get some snow and we took advantage of it!
HOORAY


The snow caterpillar with ears like a bear is chasing this poor Snowman family.


The Snowman family just can't seem to get away.

This poor snowman slipped on some ice and splattered up against our house. Jenna and Shalyn had nothing to do with it.