Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Realization of Hottness

I have a hard time recognizing exceptionally Hott people. I'm terrible at it.

So, let's discuss Hottness. All I know is that it comes in two types: male and female.

Male Hottness

At work I will finish helping a male customer, the male customer will leave, and my female co-workers will say something like, "Wow, he was soooooooooooooo good looking." And then they will sigh and shake their heads like they can't believe such a specimen was within their gaze for even that short while.

They will comment on a person's fineness, and I will say, "What?! He was?! Crap! I missed it again!" and then will frantically look out the window in hope to catch a glimpse of this person. If I do find the man, I quickly try to figure out what it is that makes him so fine, and I usually have no idea or can only see the back of his head.

When my co-workers tell me someone is good looking, I try to memorize their features so I might be able to recognize a similar pattern in the future. So far this isn't working. I still have no idea what makes someone visually appealing. Visually Hott, I mean. I'm not talking about regularly good looking people. I'm talking about the thing that makes my co-workers turn red, get nervous, and have a hard time speaking. That evasive Hottness.


Female Hottness

I have no idea.

Female friends may mention that someone is, "So pretty," "absolutely beautiful" or the like, and I won't know what to say. I don't agree, because I feel like I can't acurately judge them. So, when asked for my opinion I say, "Uhh...sure..." which means I'm a jerk, or completely insecure about myself as I am unable to recognize when someone is obviously better looking. These sorts of things never turn out well.

The same thing occurs when males comment on the attractive level of a female. I'm usually left speechless.


So, what then?

What do I recognize, then? In both men and women I recognize cleanliness. Are they taking care of themselves? Are they showered?

As a bit of a side-note, let's talk about tattoos. If a female has a tattoo, I usually just think they are dirty. (I'm not talking chlamydia dirty--although I would know about that--I'm talking dirt dirty.) I would see a tattooed female and think, "What's with the smudge of dirt on her neck and behind her ear? Oh.... it's a tattoo... she put that there....okay." But, I am able to recognize a tattoo as a tattoo if it's on a man. Go figure.

Right, anyway, in females, I also notice if they appear to have gotten ready for the day. I can appreciate someone who spent time on her hair, outfit and makeup. I know that can be hard some times, but I think it is an important factor in the presentation of self. So, I notice those things, but I have no idea if that makes them Hott.


Sigh.

I think it will be an unending journey into the realization of Hott.

4 comments:

Ky said...

Well, all I know is this: you know that WE are hott.

That works for me. Forget everyone else!

Amanda said...

Ky stole my comment. I was going to say, "for a reference of female HOTTNESS, just hold up a picture of me." Dang. I think it's good that you cannot judge HOTTNESS. This will not cloud your judgment and make you marry some vapid eye candy who will actually be really boring.

Ky said...

Good call, Amanda. We don't want Myriah to end up with a ditsy blonde.

Tara said...

I feel this is not something to worrk about. As my Dad always says..."If we all had the same taste we'd all be chasing after the same woman (or man as it may be)!" Have your own definition of hotness!