I was chillin' with my Grandma today, and after she said a bunch of crazy stuff that i have now forgotten, she started talking about the owner of a local health food store.

If Longs didn't have the item she needed, we would have to go to this health food store, and Grandma was all sorts of complaining about it. She just doesn't want to go to his store, okay?

So i was like, "why not?"

and she said, "I just don't like him.
He's short."

me thinking, so... he's rude?

Grandma, "I don't think he's a dwarf. He's just really short."

me thinking, You hate him because he's short? Grandma, YOU are short.

Grandma, "and when it was Halloween and all the businesses open late and give out candy, we went in there, and he didn't give out any candy. So I don't like him."

I'm assuming Grandma took my cousin around for trick-or-treating one year, or maybe Grandma has been trick-or-treating by herself all her life.

No wonder she hates the health food store guy.

He won't give her any candy.

Asparagus

It's asparagus season! I know, awesome, huh?
This is by no means an accurate representation of the amount of asparagus that is usually in our fridge.
The asparagus on the left is the regular garden variety, and the asparagus on the right is from the big box store garden.
I like them equally well. I like them just a little steamed up, or i like them grilled up, but i've never tried them raw. I've been wondering about that a lot lately. I have yet to be tempted, but has anyone out there tried it out? What was it like? Tell me all about it.

Some Stuff

I'm trying desperately to think of something to post about.
I keep coming back to my blog and thinking, "Man, someone should really update this thing."

I'm pretty sure that responsibility lands on my shoulders, so I've been kicking around some topics that maybe i could discuss, none of which i really felt could stand alone as a dope post.

So, anyway, what i've been thinking:

1. I'm not sure how long to keep my Easter candy. Should I just devour it? Should i hang onto it for emergencies? I usually have a plan of action, but not this year. I'm lost.
All alone, and lost.

2. I could post about how i worked at the Cal Poly bookstore last week, and tell of my experiences there, like the woman who fainted in front of my register, or these two other register-mate guys who were discussing whether Braveheart or Gladiator was the Ultimate Man Movie. I couldn't quite discern the qualities that make the Ultimate Man Movie, but they were sure passionate about it. I like passion.

Then another time, this guy came to my register, but i had to go get more cash money, so i told him to just move on to the next register. We really weren't that busy, and that register was available. Suddenly this woman comes out of nowhere, pokes him in the back and says, "Hey, I'm suppose to be on the orange O." (Right, so that might not make sense. See, at Poly, they have their registers lined up in two rows, and as you go through the line, the line director tells you which register to go to, as to keep the lines moving. The registers aren't numbered well, so they put down letters in various colors, spelling out Cal Poly on the ground in front of each register. Now, the point of the line is to get through the line, not stay on your appointed letter. Many times i will suddenly have no one to help, but a hundred students around me. So i would look at the person waiting at the next register, and ask, "can i help you?" and they always look at me like i'm crazy. "Could they really get off their letter and come to my register? What about the person who was about 25 people behind them in line who may get assigned my register next?"

Look, peeps, Do you want to stay here forever? Don't you want to leave? Then just come to my register and you can get out of here.

So anyway, i was walking away from my register when the lady who was suppose to be on the orange O busted that kid for taking her spot, even though he was ahead of her in line. Man, was she mean about it. She was TICKED. So i say to her, "Oh, i'm sorry. It's my fault your life is ruined, i told him to move to that register. Sorry. But i'll be right back."

So i go back to my register and she's there, waiting for me. I ring up her stuff, and she's mumbling about how it's so hot and she's hungry and it's just been a really bad day, and all these little excuses for her stupid attitude.

3. My brother is now Doctor Cohen. I'm pretty sure now that Brandon is "Doctor," we won't be able to use his given name anymore. My other brother, Paul, and I were discussing (behind the Doctor's back) about how weird and crazy it is that not only did Doctor graduate, but he also has this new title. We wanted to make ourselves feel better, so we talked about how he was the last to graduate, the sucker, but then we remembered that he was a Doctor again and we gave up.

4. My parents are way excited. They have gone to see the Doctor and help him and his family move. I called them today, to see what was up, and mom didn't answer, so i called dad. I said, "Hey, how's it going? I called mom, but her phone was off," which caused father to launch into the grand plan of the big move. Apparently, "so and so and so and so are driving the whatever and so and so are doing this, and then we are going to meet someone and whoever over on the interstate where hopefully the blah blah blah will be sighted, and the goal is to reach Pittsburgh in 5 hours."

It's quite the plan. It was all orchestrated by Jodie, so i'm sure it's brilliant. It has all the necessary twists and turns, the meetings and the greetings and the ultimate success that every move story needs.

So next i call mom, ask why her phone was off, and instead of answering my question, she launches into the big story of the move. She was telling it like it was a suspense-thriller-type story.

So my parents were SUPER excited about it. So, what does this mean? That my parents, in their old age, have nothing this exciting in their every day lives? Maybe my parents are going to start careers as movers? I don't know.

I think it's too early to tell.