Ridiculously Good Summer

So it's not 100% sure, but there is a good probability (can you call something "good probability" if it isn't 100%?) that my work will get it's own reality TV show. The concept is to follow my boss around and chronicle her life, and there is a chance I might get my face on camera, who knows. Just thought I should tell you.

Supposedly, they are coming back to film more of the pilot at the end of this month (they started filming before I got hired) and as long as everything goes smoothly, they will film this summer and air it this fall. 

I find it all rather ridiculous, and I love things that are ridiculous, so I think it will be a good summer.

Pulaski Day

Happy Pulaski Day!

Yeah, that's right, Pulaski Day is a real thing.

The City of Chicago commemorates it by allowing school children a free day, and also by making pastries. I tried the Chocolate and Bavarian Creme Paczki. Let me just tell you, it was delish. Paczki is pronounced "Poonch-key". The sticker on the package said, "Not just another jelly donut!" and they are so completely correct. It may look like a jelly donut, but it is soooo much better than that. Oh man, it was fabulous.

Maybe they should start making these for Sweetest Day.

Walgreens on Western and Lawrence

My 30 day transit pass happened to expire right around the time I was at the intersection of Lawrence and Western. Thankfully, there is a Walgreens on that corner. I've never been inside, but I've walked by a lot, and there are always pigeons milling about. This does not give this Walgreens an air of sophistication, so I was a bit weary as I walked in.

Immediately, I knew something was up. I didn't see any staff at the registers, so I decide I would just move deeper into the store without looking around. If you look around and find the trouble, you could risk becoming a witness, and that was the last thing I wanted to do that day. I decided I could do with a beverage, and moved toward the cold cases. That's when I noticed someone staring at the Walgreen's entrance, saying with mild panic, "There's a pigeon in here!"

In a mid-western accent, a reply comes from about ten feet in front of me, "Well, tell them to move away from the door, or all the pigeons will come in! We already have one over there!" And she points toward the check out stands.

 I follow her finger with my gaze and sure enough, I see a pigeon. All Hell breaks loose. Mid-western accents are flying! "But he'll get in my hair!" "Oh no he'll poop on me!" "What are we going to do?!"

The woman behind the photo counter takes charge. She tells Sam to capture that pigeon and take it outside.

Sam gets a ladder.

Sam gets a towel. (Really, a pink fleece type thing.)

Sam gets some courage.

Sam places the towel over the pigeon.

Someone shrieks. "Did you get him!?!? Oh no, did he go behind the sign?"

Sam reaches up to grab the towel he placed over the pigeon. Apparently these pigeons haven't been trained in combat. He slowly pulls the bundle toward him and descends the latter. "Oh, I got him."

Sam walks to the door. A woman who I determine to be the cashier follows him. I follow her. I need my CTA pass. We are near the door and the registers. She is just staring out the door. I decide to say, "So, do you carry CTA pass.."

But I'm interrupted when Sam comes back, and the cashier says, "Wow, Sam, that was amazing! Where did you learn to do that?!"

Sam just shrugs and mumbles, "Uhh, it happens a lot.."

The cashier continues, "Oh my gash, that pigeon was going to get in my hair, and you gat him, Sam!"

Sam walks away.

The cashier has hands on her hips, shaking her head in the sheer disbelief of a close call.

I speak again.

She turns to me, sees the line of people that has now formed, and goes around to her side of the register. I say hello. She says, "Did you see that pigeon?!"

I said, "So, do you carry 30 day CTA passes?"

She looks at me with wide eyes and says, "Oh, I'm gonna have to call back for that."

I put on my serious face and say, "Okay. Let's do it."

So she does. Then she looks at me. "Did you see that pigeon? I thought it was going to get in my hair! And Sam just captured it like it was nothing!"

"Oh, yeah, that was something alright."

The manager comes up with my pass, I pay, and as I'm leaving I heard the cashier say to the woman behind me, "Did you see that pigeon?"

Night of Coincidences

I was going to a friend's house, absolutely freezing while waiting at the L stop. Two trains came going the other way before the train I needed came. I got on, sat down, and we didn't move. The conductor announced that there was something happening on the tracks ahead, so we wouldn't be moving for a minute. I waited, happy to be on the warm train. Then the conductor announced that because of the delay, the train would be running express, and consequently be passing the stop that I need. So, I got off the train and back onto the freezing platform.

As I adjusted my hood, contemplating how cold it really was, another train going the other way came. Many people got off and one guy stood near me under the heat lamps. I was looking down the tracks for the train, and this guy was in my line of sight, so I got a good look at him. After what felt like forever we were back on a train heading to our destinations.

Three hours later, I was going home, and I stepped into a rail car. I sat down, and there was the guy from the platform! It was so bizarre! I've never ever seen someone again like that. I just stepped into the right car I guess. This time he had his arm around some girl, and they were flirting it up. I wonder if they just rode the train for three hours...

So while I was contemplating how crazy it was that I happened to see that guy again, I got on a bus, and there was the bus driver I had earlier in the day! Wicka what! This is crazy! What's going on here?! This is obviously a precursor for something greater. It's my birthday week, but coincidences don't usually happen simply because of my birthday. Will I get sucked into some alternate universe soon? Is all this simply a warning of the Great Blizzard of 2011?? What's going to happen!?

McDonald's Signage

Being highly susceptible to signage, I noticed the local McDonald's had changed their sign, and it now reads, "Iced hot chocolate now available!"

1) I looked it up on the McDonald's website and I can't find that this beverage exists.

2) In the middle of November? It's freezing outside.

3) So...that's basically chocolate milk, right?

Restaurant Adventures

I have no idea what anyone is saying. But it doesn't really matter, I suppose. It's just part of the excitement of living in this part of Chicago. Frequently, when I go into a place of business and need to communicate with someone, it's always a shot in the dark. Thankfully my active imagination and wicked-fast deductive skills help me out every time, and I can usually make do.

I went into a bakery today to inquire after chocolate croissants. After finding someone who spoke English, I came to the conclusion that they did not have any chocolate croissants. Whether or not they made them was a different story.

I went into three restaurants last week and had no idea what anyone said. It was all in a different language. The first was Polish, the second Spanish, the third Chicago. In most cases, if I'm just ordering, I let them make the decisions for me. Usually they format their questions so that I can just nod or shake my head, and they usually frame the series of questions so that they guide me into whatever they want me to order. I'm fine with that.

I have a few examples. In each example I have provided the key word, but that is usually the word that I don't understand, and in my brain is just gobleygook. So, when you read the examples, please insert your own gobleygook. Thank you.

Ordering a burrito:

 "You want. Steak right?"   Um, yes.  (I only found out it was steak after I started eating it.)

"No onions?"  Yeah, no. (Unfortunately I did want onions, but the lack of onions made me feel fairly confident that was the word in question. I count that as a victory.)

Ordering ice cream:

"Want Coke?"   Um, no? (I have no idea if he said coke. Why would I want a coke with my ice cream? Could there be something else I might have ordered on my ice cream? Like, nuts? Did he say nuts? Was it whipped cream? But it really sounded like coke...)

Half the time I have no idea what I'll end up with. It's kind of exciting.

Museum of Contemporary Art Chicago

When I turned in my coveted Art Institute of Chicago Museum Pass I decided to try another. This time it was the Museum of Contemporary Art. I maintain a fairly firm policy that I don't enjoy modern or "contemporary" art. I went to the museum, of course, with an open mind, ready to be surprised and delighted. Instead, I found this:

Let me just tell you that I don't get it. Sure, I could make some crap up about how I "understand" and "appreciate" this art form, and how it exemplifies the human drama, but whatev. While I was in this room, I was looking at another piece of stupid when I read more about the piece from the artist. The artist wrote, "I'm really interested in emphasizing their objectness."

Seriously? Whatev.

I did kinda think this pig art was interesting. 

But, it didn't speak to me, so I moved on. I passed this pond, which was the only thing in the entire museum that I really enjoyed.

After the pond, I did find something that spoke to me. Literally. It was these mounds of dirt.

You are obviously wondering about the dirt, so I will let you read the info:

After the dirt I found myself looking at a bunch of old dolls and stuffed animals. When I say "dolls" I don't mean hand painted porcelain dolls. I mean a dime a dozen plastic dolls.  Because I didn't understand, I read the info tag in hopes of gleaning more information. The artist, apparently, was interested in collecting things that were once highly desired but have since lost their retail value.

So... I was walking around in a room of old junk.

I desired a break from all the crazy, so I went to the restroom. You know, for resting. I walked in the door and heard this little girl squealing. After a moment I realized there was no little girl. Nope, it was another piece of contemporary art, right there in the ladies restroom.

So, if you were thinking that maybe you would record yourself making random bird calls that are unrecognizable as bird calls and call it art, well, you could make the recording, but I'm sorry to tell you it has already been done. Maybe you could make a mobile.


I recently found a passage from Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde that emphasizes my human drama:

"I call it The Id Within," said the young artist in a quiet voice, avoiding everyone's gaze and  pressing his fingertips together...He continued: "Like life, my piece reflects the many different layers that cocoon and restrict us in society today. The outer layer--reflecting yet counterpoising the harsh exoskeleton we all display--is hard, thin, yet somehow brittle--but beneath this a softer layer awaits, yet of the same shape and almost the same size. As one delves deeper one finds many different shells, each smaller yet no softer than the one before. The journey is a tearful one, and when one reaches the center there is almost nothing there at all, and the similarity to the outer crust is, in a sense, illusory."

"It's an onion," I said in a loud voice. (225-226)

Now, I am rather negative, and don't care at all about the things I saw in the museum. The thing that does interest me, however, is the interest these artists had in their work. Obviously they were driven and motivated. This life work, I would assume, fulfilled them. They had a desire to fulfill, a goal to accomplish. And, seeing how it is in a museum, I'm guessing these artists received all the acclaim, the self survival, the inner peace, or the outward expression they desire. I hope.

The good news from this trip was that I found a thestral on my way home.

Nine

Tonight I learned of another couple engaged to be married.

So... Nine, I guess.

Thankfully, I've been doing a pretty good job keeping to myself this year and staying out of the social scene. This means I don't have to attend all of these weddings and bridal showers. Can you imagine if I had to buy a gift for each couple for the wedding AND for the bridal shower? Can you? I hope you are doing the math, because that would be ridiculous. Ridiculously expensive.

I have a long discourse about wedding presents and the showers and registries and the what-nots that are involved in the getting married process but it isn't quite at the point of publication yet. It involves largely my financial role in the lives of people I'm just "what ev" about, the idiocy of certain techniques some couples take on in the registering process, and how when it's my turn to be married, all of these people are going to be long gone.

The Nerd Test

I have an acquaintance who will never let you use the terms Nerd, Dork, or Geek in any haphazard fashion. She will always correct you if she feels the term Nerd was more applicable than the term Geek.

I have always thought this quirk was endearing, but mostly endearing in a "oh, this is just more ammunition for my mockery" sort of way.

Anyway, anytime she would try to explain herself I would just tune out.

Tonight I came across a blog that gave great definitions of the differences between the terms. I thought it was extremely enlightening, and as I'm sure you would never want to appear uneducated, I will include the link: http://thenerdtest.com/tnt/

Now all the Nerds, Geeks, and Dorks on "Saved by the Bell" make sense.

Two?

I work in a medical office, at the front desk, where I answer a lot of phones and schedule a lot of appointments.

One girl called wanting an appointment.

We selected a day, and I told her we had an 11:30, a 2:00 and a 3:45 available.

She said, "Well, it will have to be after my math class."

Me,"Okay,"

I sit there waiting for her to say something, but she doesn't, so I say, "When is your math class?"

Quickly, she responds, "Well, right after my English class."

Me, "Oh...so.....2:00?"

Donn. Two n's. Again.

Tonight I walk into Literacy Council, said hi to another tutor in the room, and proceeded to look for my name on the roll when the door opens and I hear a big booming voice booming, "Myriah!"

I turn, and in comes Donn.

I smile, "It's 'Donn,' right?"

And he gives me exactly what I was hoping for: "Two n's."

"Right, right.... hi."

He had a question for me, and then I start talking to the other tutor. I was sitting in a circle of chairs, and Donn (two n's) comes up and (with hands grasped behind his back) asks if he may join the circle. I say go ahead (weirdo).

I'm not really sure how it happened, but Donn started bragging about how he speaks a little Spanish. He turns to the other tutor (who speaks Spanish as his first language) and Donn starts talking in Spanish. He talks about how he studied abroad in Peru in 1988 for three months.
Then Donn turns to me and says in English (and really slowly), "I studied in Peru for 3 months in 1988." I knew all about it of course, because he was speaking quite slowly in Spanish, and those are easy words anyway. So I say, "WOW. How old were you at the time?"

Donn's age was a mystery to me, and it looked like a good time to clear that up. He said he was about 38 when he spent those three months in Peru.

He said, "I picked up Spanish most effortlessly, you know. I really wanted to use it in my career as a newscaster. I didn't think much of myself until I found myself on Good Morning America, then I decided maybe I could work for Telemundo or something like that." (He explained to me what Telemundo was, but I don't actually live in a hole, so I knew about it already.)

By this time, I had gotten out my notebook and started writing down everything he was saying. He saw me writing and asked if I wanted him to stop talking. I said, "Oh no, I just had a brainstorm for my lesson tonight. Please, keep talking."

Yes, please. You are giving me some great stuff, Donn.

"Well, I wanted to move to China to teach English there, but they wouldn't accept me. I have a gift of teaching, you know, and a knack for languages, so I thought I would apply. But they wouldn't take me. I'm planning on applying again. I want to be there for the World's Fair in twenty ten."

Twenty ten, twenty ten...uhh.... oh, 2010.

I look up perplexed, "The World's Fair? In China? Right after the Olympics?"

"Yes, the very place. You haven't heard of it because it hasn't been advertised yet, but I always keep up on World Fairs. Everyone thinks it is so great of China to be hosting both events, but I personally think they are up to no good," and he continues and talks all about how he hates China and how China owns the United States and mostly how much he hates China.

Whoa, Donn, chillax a bit won't you? It's no wonder they won't let you into their country.
You're a hater.

And also they were probably wondering where your Canadian accent went. You are suppose to have one of those, aren't you?

Donn. Two n's.

When you train to be a tutor with the Literacy Council, they request that you shadow a tutor and their student before you begin with your own student.

I did not do this.

Well, I tried. I showed up, talked to people, but when it came time for observation, everyone gave me a dirty look. So, I kinda wondered around and then left.

Anyway, I walk into Literacy Council today, to meet with my students, and I notice a new guy there. He immediately speaks to me, and I have no idea what the intentions were behind his question. I know he said something, I just wasn't sure what kind of a response he was looking for. (I do this all the time with my Grandma. She says something, and I have to figure out what kind of an answer she wants. It is easier than asking her to rephrase the question into Normal People.)

So I ask a question instead of answering, and I come to find out (after much of him not making any sense) that he was just finishing his tutor training and was there to shadow.
I remember how everyone was mean to me, so I was super friendly to this guy. So we start chatting and I'm not sure what he is saying, and the Japanese girl who was there to learn English really has no chance to know what he is saying, when suddenly he asks me, "What's your name?"

I tell him, he sings the song, and then mentions all he knows about Mariah Carey, and says, "My name is Donn, two n's," and he holds up two fingers. Then he says again, "Two n's," and holds up the same two fingers.

Now, the first time when he held up two fingers I thought to myself, "why is this guy making a 'v' when he is talking about 'n's'?" But thankfully he told me the "two n's" part twice, so I was able to clear it up in my mind.

While we were talking he mentioned he was from New York. I said, "Oh, what part?" He says with a little nod of the superior, "New York." So I act all impressed and say, "Ohhh! The City!"

He says, "Why don't I have an accent you ask?"

umm.... no.....

"Well, you see, when I was younger, I had a lisp, (and he acts out a lisp for the Japanese girl) and my teachers sent me to a special speech therapist at my school. But you see, my speech therapist was from Ontario."

and he looks at me with great anticipation. I don't know what that was all about.

He continues, "So instead I came away with a Canadian accent."

I decided to say something, so I said, "Boy, I bet your parents were surprised."

And indeed they were.

He never said, "I bet you're wondering why I don't have a Canadian accent," which is something I really was wondering.

Addicted

I think i may be addicted to running. I went running this morning and then later in the afternoon contemplated running again, but disregarded it because i had to make a cake.

In high school i would never contemplate running, let alone running twice in a day. In fact, i'm pretty sure that any time i had to run in P.E. it was the worst thing ever.
So mostly i have no idea what has happened to me. It's like someone took over, and it certainly isn't me.